Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole Shereen Marisol Meraji and Clare Marie Schneider - Life Kit
go to original September 3, 2022

The next time someone tells you to turn your frown upside down, you can use bestselling author Susan Cain's new book for a comeback. In Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole, Cain writes about the way in which joy and sorrow are intrinsically linked — and shines a light on what is lost when we ignore our melancholy.

"Part of this book started with this love that I have of sad music," says Cain. She asked herself: why we don't feel worse when we listen to sad music? Instead, we often feel uplifted and connected to the artist and other listeners who are also trying to tap into the emotions of the songs.

In a conversation with Life Kit, Cain argues that those of us who love sad music have what she calls the "bittersweet condition." It's a state she describes as the recognition of life's impermanence, a kind of acknowledgement that everyone and everything we hold dear will not be here forever. And with that melancholic recognition comes greater, not less, contentment, says Cain. So, embracing your melancholy could make you happier in the long run.

It can also lead to greater human connection, she says. "If you're living in a way where you're only willing to look at the triumphs, you're not going to be in touch with your own difficulties and less open to the struggles that other people are going through."

For Bittersweet, Cain created a quiz in collaboration with research scientist David Yaden and cognitive scientist Scott Barry Kaufman to help you assess whether you tend to be more sanguine or bittersweet. Take the quiz to find out where you land on the continuum — and gain insight into your personality.

Scoring

If you scored between 0 and 3.8, you tend toward the cheerfully optimistic. If you scored between 3.9 and 5.7, you experience both states of optimism and bittersweetness to moderate degrees. If you scored between 5.8 and 10, you're a "true connoisseur of bittersweetness," writes Cain. (I scored an 8.8. No wonder my mom is always reminding me to 'think positive!')

Good news for those of us who are members of the melancholy club. "We found that people who score high [on this test] also score high on states of awe, wonder, spirituality and absorption, which predicts creativity," says Cain.

What if you tend toward cheerful optimism but want to embrace melancholy? Cain shares three tips on how you can better tap into your sad-happy side.

Read the rest at NPR Life Kit